I have a confession to make...

I'm almost 24 (coming next Wednesday)...

... and the other day, I found myself hunting for a particular Matchbox® toy helicopter.

I have a thing for Matchbox helicopters.

As a kid, I loved toys. My favorites were Lego® and the Transformers™. I spent countless hours converting robots into machines and back, or building tanks, spaceships, castles and the like. They captured and fired my imagination, and helped shape it as I grew up.

But I grew up long ago, or at least went into pursuits only older kids could really appreciate. While only made up of cards or pixels, CCG's and PC games provided deep, structured and interactive gameplay that mere toys couldn't.

However, once in awhile, I'd find myself wandering toy stores when I had nothing to do, and looking up their collection of Matchbox cars.

Even prior to Lego and the Transformers, long ago in my youth, I remember seeing this ultra cool-looking Matchbox helicopter. It had a big, box-shaped, clear plastic cockpit. Its rotor blades were folded together, and Matchbox included the pretty cool design feature of making its tail retractable (more to fit the box than anything else, I suppose, but it was pretty cool). It looked like the Blue Thunder helicopter of movie fame, though the toy wasn't necessarily a military vehicle.

I really liked and wanted that toy. I knew it was a helicopter, and I loved helicopters as a kid (I still do, in truth, and I still would very much welcome the chance to actually learn to fly them should it come my way). But that was before I even understood money or the concept of buying and selling.

All throughout my life, from then on, I'd be nostalgically (and quite pleasantly) haunted by that Matchbox helicopter. It became a dream, a simple image and remembrance of my childhood.

I got into Lego and Transformers, got out of it, got into CCG's, hobby gaming, comics, PC gaming (I once bought a game called SIM Copter™ by Maxis™, the same people behind the SIM City™ and the SIMs™ line of PC games) fantasy and science fiction. I graduated from grade school, high school and college. I'm now almost 24, after almost three years of working in the real world.

And that helicopter, whether parked with its blades folded and tail retracted, or flying free with its blades open and tail stretched, would coast through my mind both every once awhile and all throughout my life.

Hence, my occional search for that toy these past almost twenty years.

Looking back, I think did manage to catch that helicopter for sale at certain points in my life. But something would just not allow me to buy it. Lack of funds, lack of time, more important things to do... The twists and turns of Life.

And a year or two back, I lost sight of that particular helicopter forever. Apparently, Matchbox just wasn't making them anymore.

I'd look around the latest Matchbox helicopters and while they all showed certain similarities (folding blades, retractable tail), it just wasn't the same. One time, the only Matchbox helicopter I could find was the powerlifter/cargo hauler type, with a big open space behind its cockpit and beneath its engine, with a toy line and hook for lifting up cargo. Cool, but I didn't like it. I forgot about my dream copter once more, once again thwarted.

I did buy a Matchbox jet with foldable, glow-in-the-dark wings and a glow-in-the-dark communications dish a year or two back, and it was pretty cool (I like jets, too). But it wasn't my helicopter. I just like helicopters more.

But last Tuesday, on a whim, I dropped by a toy store and checked out their Matchbox toys. I did see a similarly designed helicopter, but it had Police colors and design (I don't have anything against the Police, but I just didn't like it).

However, looking at the back of the box, something caught my eye: a black-and-white picture of a helicopter with the caption "Buzz Copter™".

It just wasn't the same as my dream helicopter, but there was something about it...

I started searching through their stocks of Matchbox toys and even asked an attendant to help me, but we couldn't find it among their wares.

And along the way, while attending to my chores, I looked through two other toy stores and failed to find it.

It was later that afternoon, once my errands were done, that I visited another mall, went into a toy store there and found the Buzz Copter among their wares.

The funny thing about finding it was the discovery that it actually looked like an insect. It belonged to Matchbox's Hero City™ series, which features vehicles modeled to look like different things, such as animals, inanimate objects (a police car shaped like a police badge or police whistle), or even hats.

I don't know if I was disappointed. To me, the Buzz Copter looked like a housefly, especially because of the "Buzz" in its name. But I guess it did charm me somewhat, so I bought it. At least it had the folding rotor blades and retractable tail that were the marks of my long-lost copter.

I got home and opened my new toy, my reminder of childhood. I folded the blades open and wide, and pulled the tail free.

It wasn't a dirty, sickly housefly. It became a glorious and living dragonfly in my hands. It became the helicopter that was the constant reminder of childhood for me and it brought back even more memories of those days past.

For besides allowing me to relive my helicopter dreams, whether toy or real, it also reminded me of my gradeschool days when I learned how to catch dragonflies with my friends, another great pasttime long gone but sweetly remembered.

The Buzz Copter now stands parked in front of me as I type this, its blades straight and wide and its slim tail comfortable stretched out. I keep it next to my glow-in-the-dark jet, just recently dusted and reparked in a more conspicuous place in my room (I keep that plane's wings stretched out now as well).

I long ago lost my childhood and long ago lost the helicopter, but it still remains with me until today, sweetly cherished and treasured.

I'll probably keep checking up on Matchbox's toy helicopter every once in awhile just for the heck of it...

Right now, I'm thinking of my elder brother, whose birthday comes one month after mine. He's a car nut, and manages a small company that sells auto-repair machines and supplies.

I think I'll buy him a car.

And before me, my dragonfly helicopter has begun spinning its blades and preparing to fly. I shall end this journal entry to chase and catch it on its flight...